STAY$GOLD

Where you feel so fucking alone? I mean it feels like you haven’t spoke to or seen your friends for like a really long time even though its only been a couple days?  You feel like crying because it hurts inside but you can’t even determine what ‘it’ is. Idk, its frustrating because I get myself worked up for nothing. I feel stupid because I have no reason to be feeling like this but somehow I just am. Can’t shake it off no matter what I do. I feel so lost, like I don’t really know where I’m going with anything. I get at so mad at myself for no reason. & Don’t tell me to figure it out because believe me, if I knew how to ‘figure things out’, none of this would be happening right now.  Maybe i’m sounding a little dramatic… Oh well idgaf. Just a little vent sesh..

& NO I’M NOT ON MY PERIOD.

Oh, and these slow jams are not making anything better ahhh smh !

Given right?

Well at first I was skeptical because I didn’t see this to be true but looking into it in finer detail, Its very true. I’m sure every girl has atleast one thing that they’d like to change about their bodies. Yeah I know you all hear that ‘Be comfortable in the skin you’re in’ shit and ‘love your body’..  We only say that because the features you want to ‘fix’ are either uncontrollable or it would take along period of time. If that makes any sence? You start out by feeling insecure, then you find out that well..  everyone has their flaws, so you learn to accept them.  I’m not gonna front and act like I’m not self concious because I am. Yeah sure  I guess I accept the way I look but there mostdef are things I’d wish to change. And I know, I know I should be grateful for the way I look but do you ever wonder If you would be alot happier if you had a better looking nose or thicker or thinner body or fuller lips or longer legs or idk! Anything you don’t have? ahah I’m curious to know.  This was just a rant. I really don’t know why I blogged this… -____- AGHDgsdkjbgd

Sorry.

Truth hurts but lies kill.

want to work with little kids when I get older.

Idk something about them gives me ….joy? ahah I just love to get to know them and distinguish their personalities.  They’re so much fun! So innocent to the world, roudy, playful, and energetic.. Like me in a way! My girls Shladin run a daycare @ their house & boy do I love it. Seeing the kids run around and shit. I’m always wanting to come downstairs to play with them and see them. They’re so much fun to be around ! When I get married, I want to make sure that I have a husband that has the undefying love that I have for kids too cos i’m gonna want to have like 20.  Well.. I exaggerated. Not 20. & i’m not tryna get preggo herrra times. Thats just -____- ahah, Perhaps i’ll adopt? Idk. I’ve got aloooooot of time before that shit even comes up. ahah

So Tamara,: Have you ever visited Hawaii?

- Sure have.

So Tamara,: hi i like your story about you being tomboyish very cute shit :) -chazywazy

- Hehe, thanks !

So Tamara,: how long have you been having your braces on?

- Uhm since october of freshman year.. i’m a junior now. I get em off soon !

So Tamara,: why you so gaaaay(; jk love ya bestfriennnnd.PLAY DAT SHIET!

- HAHAHA i miss you -____-

So Tamara,: Hey girl, you cute. Got that simple swagger. Its gooood. Keep doin what your doing -C

- hah thanks =p will do !

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I want to be happy

When I was younger, I was always the girl who played with the boys. Nono, not in that manner.. I had my long tangly hair in my face almost all the time, Dirt under my fingernails, clothes all scrunched up. I remember when my mom would come pick up me & my brothers & she’d shriek cos the new clothes that she got me were pretty messed up.  I remember my aunties and uncles always used to call me ‘tomboy’ in tagalog. It was pretty much my nickname. They would compare me to my other cousins and even asked me why I didn’t just play with dolls and play dressup  like they did. I knew exactly why I didn’t. BECAUSE THAT SHIT WAS BORING ! Whats the fun in playing with dolls. They’re not real. Sure you could dress them and pretend with them but still. I never saw the fun in dolls. Sports was what I was into. Idk just the thrill in playing a game. I’ve gone to playing competitve figure skating to swimming to basketball to gymnastics to dance to soccer to roller hockey. I’m into challenges & I’m very competitive.  I hate to lose. I also enjoyed climbing trees and jumping off swings. Running up hills and rolling down them. Making mud pies. Running around and just being roudy with the boys. Thats always been me.  I don’t know, It hellla just got me thinking on christmas when my cousins told me that they knew that they were almost sure I’d be a lesbian when I got older. HAH! well that didn’t happen ! I miss being a little kid though. Now, half the shit you do has consequences now that you’re older..

I had a good share of both bad and good memories from 2009.

Lets just say, that I’m fucking happy that its finally over.

Lets start new. Clean & fresh canvas. The brush is in your hand so lets paint the good times.

I’m happy to say that I’m ready to let things go from the past and grasp the new beginnings.

This is to all the people I’ve met, the people I’ve known, the relationships that have blossomed, the relationships that have died, the experiences, the experiments, the laughs, the tears, the fights, the fights (literally), the words of wisdom, the motivation, the inspiration & all that mumbo jumbo. I know this is a little early, I’m just excited. So yeah…

CHEERS !

& to all the close ones that are reading this..

Party @ mines ! you know who you are ;)

So Tamara,: in person it looks like u have false eyelashes.

- I get that alot -___-

So Tamara,: hella gifts, what did you get

- Clothes & Cash

So Tamara,: Omg what’s the website for free movies!? Do tell=)

- watch-movies-online.tv

So Tamara,: where you from?

- the bay? ahah fremont

So Tamara,: Your eyelashes are really long

- yeah i know ahah

So Tamara,: Girl, I think you look pretty without eyeliner.

- thank you =)

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EYELINER-LESS…..for once paha

Lets see,

I like my right eyebrow better then the left. My right dimple looks better then the left. I like my left eye better then the right. blahblah, you get the point.

Hope you all had a wonderful christmas!

Sorry, I haven’t been on here alot lately, Winter break has been good to me so far. I had a great christmas.  I LOVE spending time with the family, were a tightknit group so its always fun.  Hopefully everyone got everything they wanted. Myles & I went shopping TODAY for our family’s gifts. Felt accomplished because everyone was satisfied.

Hmm, Status on my knee… Its doing alot better. No sense of feeling weak anymore. I can walk & slightly jog, however, when its stationary for a while (sleeping) it starts to throb. Idk it feels like tendonitis. I had tendonitis in my left knee I believe about 2 years ago? I’ve also hyperextended that knee too. Good thing my sprain is in my right knee this time.  Hmm, what else to say. Hurts to flex, hurts to straighten all the way, Hurts to bend after its been locked. Physical therapy appt. is this coming Tuesday. Can’t wait to see where I’m at because I’m anxious to play.  I hate the feeling that I haven’t been doing any kind of fitness. Idk why. Thats just me, afterall, this has been the longest I’ve been out not playing since I was 11… I’m not even kidding ahah. Hopefully In practice I’ll try jogging.

NEWYEARS is coming !!!!!!!

Yipppeeee!!!! Ugh can’t wait because new years is always the funnest. Everyones tipsy and joyful because of the start of a new year.. not to mention we always throw parllays at mines! Last year was the most memorable of all though. Last new years like, about 9 of my cousins including me & my brothers got a gun pointed in our faces, handcuffed, searched, seated in copcars, & picked up by our drunken parents. It was scary as f/ck then but boy do we laugh about it now ! UGH I can’t wait!

K I also found this site where I can watch free online movies ! HAAAYE =) So I do that everynight now.  The Blindside is my current movie. Its pretty good so far. HOLY SHIT! MY BIRTHDAYS COMING UP! On a four day weekend too ! HOLLA!

Upcoming birthdays

• Spam’s 19th - Jan 7
• Mariecris’s 17th - Jan 9
• MINES! 17TH - JAN 18!
• Rakumata’s 17th - Jan 19
• Kyle’s 21st ? - Jan 19th

Yeah, well i’m off to watch more of this. Toootles !

So Tamara,: you wanna DO SOMETHIN’?

- why, DO YOU?

So Tamara,: why havnt u gone out with the guy thats in ur mind?

- No one’s on my mind gruuuuuuuuuh.

So Tamara,: do you have acne

- course, you don’t?

So Tamara,: i like your smile. it’s cute. looks like you have braces, why don’t you show them? im sure you’ll still look cute.

- I sure do have braces, idk ! ahah i think i look weirrrrd -__-

So Tamara,: you have like the priettiest haire, (;

- naaaah i really don’t tho, but thanks =p

So Tamara,: You’re pretty! but why don’t you show your teeth while smiling?

- thanks ! because i loooooook funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny. i just prefer not too =p ahah

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Went to a christmas concert that my uncle plays for. That shit was so legit. The drummer’s little island thing (the thing hes on) did flips, shit was too crazy !

We all lit candles. The whole room was illuminated, it was so pretty.

Helped broham get ready for pictures

k we were being silly.

We herra talll

Look at our retarted ass feet ! ahahah

So this was christmas before

& look at us all now =)

of course missing the others =( they couldn’t be with us tonight

Maybe being too independant is a bad thing ? I hate to hurt people. It’s not intentional but I tend to do it alot. I’m sorry, maybe you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into. Maybe I didn’t know what I was getting MYSELF into.. Lifes like a highway. Sometimes I consider myself a mere speedbump. Don’t know how I ended to be in that position but I’m there. Unexpected and sometimes a pain. Sorry i don’t mean to be that way. I like to stay unconnected. Unattached. That’s just me. I dont want to have to worry about any body’s status’s but my own. I try to keep my distance though its hard. I love to meet new people but sometimes i fall in. I realize that and then i’m needing to have to dig myself out. Idk its kindof complicated. It doesnt make sense to ‘care’ when really it’s just out of pity. I mean of course i care about how you feel, i just hate to let you down because i know the way i am. Kindof why i act the way i do towards you. Because your falling in too deep. Im just trying to save you from the trouble. Because im not the way you probablly thought i was from the start. Thats why Im trying to steer clear from alla that. I’ll save myself the guilt trip. I’ll save your time too. Call me selfish, I don’t care, I just do what feels right. I gueees that’s just me. Sorry if that hurt, I’m just trying to be real with you. It’s never you. Just know that. So don’t you dare settle for less Mhmph =Y k I’m done.

HAHAHAHAAHASFDHVFHSFAJFHSDHFASFS.

fuck, that was lame -__-